One could argue that in Washington state a 50/50 parenting plan, in the strictest possible sense, simply doesn’t exist.
Most years have an odd number of days. There will always be one parent who has the children more of the time in any given year, even if that “more” is just one more day. Furthermore, due to state and federal laws, and due to the language of Washington state’s parenting plan format, one parent will always be named the custodian in the parenting plan. Usually, the custodial parent is the parent who lives with the children more of the time (again, even if this “more” is just one more day). The custodial parent also has the benefit of being able to claim the children for tax purposes.
When you factor in changing schedules, emergencies, and growing children’s changing needs, it quickly becomes clear that a 50/50 split, in a very strict sense, is virtually impossible to achieve.
50/50 parenting plans are sometimes confused with joint custody or shared custody arrangements. With a 50/50 parenting plan, parents attempt to divide time with the children equally, while with joint custody or shared custody time might be divided 40/60, or even 30/70.
So, then, what does it mean to have a 50/50 parenting plan?
If we look beyond strict definitions, a 50/50 parenting plan is a co-parenting schedule where both parents spend about equal time with the children. Scheduling decisions, weekday overnights, weekends, and holidays are split in the spirit of giving both parents roughly equal parenting time with the children. Though one parent will be named the custodial parent in the parenting plan, both parents approach custody from an egalitarian perspective, with the goal that both parents will contribute to parenting the children equally in terms of decision-making and time with the children.
Do I need a 50/50 parenting plan arrangement for my children to benefit emotionally, relationally, behaviorally, or educationally?
It’s important to keep in mind that there are many parenting plan arrangements that allow both parents to have an equal share in decision-making. Parenting time doesn’t have to be split evenly for both parents to have an equal role in raising their children. Most parenting plans include joint-decision-making, meaning both parents play an equal role in making major decisions for their children.
While 50/50 parenting schedules are often touted as giving children better outcomes, the research isn’t as clear as it’s sometimes touted to be. Proponents of 50/50 child custody splits often cite research from studies looking at the benefits of joint custody, or shared custody, to argue that 50/50 parenting plans are better. Yet “joint custody” or “shared custody” doesn’t always mean that the children spend 50% of their time with each parent.
Even Arizona’s child custody law, which presumes that children will spend 50% of their time with both parents, in practice results in arrangements where time with both parents is maximized. Research published at Arizona State University found that children had better relationships with their fathers when parenting time was split more equally (40-60), but research evaluating more precise 50/50 splits is scant (we suspect because strict 50/50 splits can be difficult to achieve).
For example, one highly cited systematic review of children’s outcomes post parental separation found that in 75% of instances, children in shared physical custody arrangements had the same emotional, behavioral, relational, physical, and educational outcomes as children in nuclear families. This study is often cited to support 50/50 parenting plans. Yet, if we dig more deeply into how the researchers defined “shared custody,” we find that shared custody was defined as the children “live with both parents between 30-70% of the time.” This suggests that joint custody, and not just a strict even split, has benefits.
It’s important to recognize that most of the research on educational and emotional outcomes, involves a comparison of joint custody arrangements and sole custody arrangements, and not a comparison between 50/50 custody splits and other joint custody options (see the Journal of Family Psychology).
Of the available studies, 50/50 custody and joint custody are used interchangeably, and joint custody can also refer to custody schedules where parents don’t split their time equally with their children. And, according to at least one study, children’s well-being wasn’t associated with time spent with each parent, but rather with the quality of the children’s relationship with each parent (see Children’s Well Being in Sole and Joint Physical Custody Families, Journal of Family Psychology). And, trying to force a joint custody or a 50/50 custody arrangement when co-parents are high-conflict can actually lead to worse outcomes for children, according to researchers writing in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage.
Finally, 50/50 splits, or even joint custody arrangements might not be appropriate for infants. Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family indicates that spending time away from a primary caregiver can affect infant attachment.
The key takeaway is this: Parents don’t have to strive for the perfection of a 50/50 parenting plan to see the academic, emotional, behavioral, relational, and physical benefits. Joint custody or shared custody can work just as well, even if the split is 30-70. And in some instances, such as when parents have high conflict or when children are very young, joint custody might not be the most appropriate option.
While Washington state law (RCW 26.09.002) encourages parenting plan arrangements that foster the child’s ongoing relationship with both parents, state law doesn’t favor any specific parenting plan arrangement over any other, and parenting plan arrangements with unequal time splits can just as powerfully foster a strong parent child relationship as 50/50 parenting plans.
Ultimately, all Washington state law has to say about parenting plans is this: “The best interests of the child are served by a parenting arrangement that best maintains a child’s emotional growth, health and stability, and physical care.”
So, does a 50/50 parenting plan really work?
50/50 parenting plans can really work when both parents have strong communication skills, good conflict resolution strategies, flexibility, and when both parents choose the 50/50 split for the right reasons.
50/50 parenting plan splits require a great deal of logistical precision, greater communication between both parents, and demand flexibility on the part of both parents, especially as the children grow, and as schedules change and evolve.
The weekly and seasonal vicissitudes of life will often require grace and flexibility. A successful 50/50 parenting plan also requires more than just goodwill. Parents who live close to one another are more often able to successfully navigate the challenges of making a 50/50 parenting plan work.
Because of the frequent exchanges and need for more travel, very low-income families who might not have housing security or ready access to transportation might be barred from being able to choose a 50/50 joint custody split.
While many families benefit from a 50/50 parenting plan arrangement, where children spend equal time with both parents, the 50/50 parenting plan doesn’t work for all situations.
For a 50/50 parenting plan to really work, you and your partner will likely need to frequently meet to exchange the children. Are you up for that, for the rest of your children’s childhood?
50/50 parenting plans require flexibility, communication, and commitment. If you and your spouse are high conflict, struggle with communication, or if you anticipate that you’ll have difficulty co-parenting, a 50/50 parenting plan might not be the best solution. Lower income families where there is housing instability or unreliable access to transportation might not be able to choose a 50/50 parenting plan even if they would otherwise like to.
It’s also important to consider your children’s needs and best interests.
Younger children might find the 50/50 parenting plan arrangement too disruptive or confusing (and some older children might find it similarly disruptive—no one wants to live out a suitcase).
Parents also need to be realistic about their own abilities in terms of time, work schedules, caregiving, and nurturing. In many relationships with children, one parent already has a history of spending more time with the kids and might be more responsible for doing most of the nurturing and caregiving activities.
A 50/50 split with a parent who doesn’t have a history of doing the bulk of the childrearing might not make sense or might even be disruptive and confusing for the children.
Are you seeking a 50/50 parenting plan for the right reasons?
Unfortunately, in high conflict divorce, parents might seek a 50/50 parenting plan for the wrong reasons. One parent might not want to pay child support or might want to reduce his or her child support amount and might believe that by choosing a 50/50 parenting plan, the question of child support can be more easily settled.
While a 50/50 parenting plan could potentially reduce child support, it might not eliminate the need for support, especially if there is a great deal of income or wealth disparity between both parents. The courts don’t want to see a situation where the kids have a very high standard of living with one parent, and a poverty or very low standard of living with the other and will often award the lower earning spouse some measure of child support, even when a 50/50 parenting plan is utilized.
In some cases, a parent might seek a 50/50 parenting plan in bad faith (to avoid child support) and then won’t honor the plan. This might result in a situation where the child support order may not reflect what’s happening “on the ground.” Yes, a true 50/50 parenting plan requires some flexibility, but if the flexibility becomes the reality that one parent has the children much more of the time than the other, then the parenting plan isn’t a true 50/50 split, and it’s often in the children’s best interests to seek a modification of the parenting plan by the courts so that what’s written on paper reflects what’s happening in real life.
If you think your former partner won’t be able to honor a 50/50 parenting plan, but is pushing for it anyway, it might be wise to work with your family lawyer to draft a parenting plan that is realistic. Getting your parenting plan right the first time decreases the risk you’ll end up back in court.
Furthermore, it can be very difficult to change a parenting plan once one has been approved by the court.
What makes a 50/50 parenting plan work?
Let’s dive into what makes a 50/50 parenting plan work.
We’ll start with logistics, looking at the different ways you can develop a parenting schedule that works for your family.
Then, we’ll tackle potential legal issues you’ll want to discuss with your divorce lawyer when crafting your parenting plan.
Next, we’ll provide a list of questions you can ask yourself (and your children, if they are older), to help you and your former partner decide if a 50/50 parenting plan is right for your family.
Finally, we’ll explore how collaborative divorce is uniquely suited to helping couples develop and maintain and 50/50 parenting plan.
The Best 50/50 Parenting Schedules
There is no one-size-fits-all 50/50 parenting schedule that will work for every family. The best 50/50 parenting schedules are those that balance the children’s needs, their school schedule, and after school activities, with the parent’s schedules and needs, while also satisfying the goal that the children spend roughly about the same time with both parents.
One effective schedule is known as the 2-2-3 schedule, where one parent has the children Monday and Tuesday, the other parent has the children Wednesday and Thursday, and the parents alternate weekends Friday through Sunday. This parenting plan has a good balance of predictability, roughly equal parenting time, and has the benefit that both parents get to spend alternating weekends with the children. This parenting plan generally requires low-conflict and strong communication because of the frequent transitions.
Other 50/50 parenting plans with frequent exchanges, like 3-4-4-3 schedules, 2-2-5-5 schedules, or alternating exchanges every 3 to 4 days can involve more coordination between parents, because each week will look a little different, and there may be longer stretches where the children will be with one parent, and then the other. Within these alternating frameworks, there are many different options (5-2-2-5; 3-3-4-4; 4-3-3-4, and alternating every 3 or 4 days).
For parents who are concerned about disruptions to their children’s lives due to frequent exchanges, parents can alternate every other week, or even every two weeks.
In general, younger children tend to benefit from more frequent contact with both parents (2-2-3 schedules), while older children might want more stability and fewer exchanges (alternating weeks or even alternating every two weeks).
Other alternatives include schedules that don’t count the time the children spend in school or in childcare as parenting time.
The best way to develop a parenting plan that works is to get out your calendars and write down your children’s school schedules, your work schedules, after school activities, and other commitments, and then run through what a typical week or typical two weeks would look like with each proposed 50/50 schedule. Run through each idea like a thought experiment. What does your day-to-day look like? What do your children’s day-to-days look like? Is the schedule realistic? Do you anticipate logistical issues?
Potential Legal Issues to Address with Your Divorce Lawyer when Crafting a 50/50 Parenting Plan
One of the bigger challenges you’ll likely face is deciding who will be named the custodial parent. It’s important to keep in mind that being named the custodial parent changes nothing with regards to the provisions in the parenting plan and your divorce settlement. Yet, if you and your partner truly want to achieve a 50/50 split, the moment when you must make this decision can understandably be uncomfortable or tense.
Yet your divorce lawyer can help you work through this. For example, if both parents want to benefit from the child tax credit, your divorce lawyer can include language in your divorce settlement where you agree to take the credit on alternating years. And, with careful language in your parenting plan, both parents can ensure that they both have decision-making authority and that time is divided as evenly as possible.
Often, concerns about child support with a 50/50 split can be addressed through the divorce settlement. The goal is to ensure that both parents can provide their children with a standard of living that reflects the income of both parents. If one parent earns less, either the divorce settlement or the child support plan would need to reflect that equitable division.
Finally, your divorce lawyer can help you come up with a plan to address the changes you might not be able to anticipate when writing your parenting plan. For example, what happens if one parent gets a job and wants to move further away, making a 50/50 parenting plan difficult to maintain? What happens if the children’s schedules change as they get older (due to after school activities, tutoring, or summer camp), and how will you navigate these changes (are you willing to explore alternating week schedules as your children get older)? Will you meet with a mediator, your lawyers, a counselor, or try to work out the schedule change on your own? While the parenting plan offers strict provisions for these situations, often couples can find out-of-the-box solutions with the help of their family lawyers. For example, if you and your former spouse get along, you might not need to go as far as taking the parenting plan to court or to your mediators every time a schedule adjustment needs to be made.
Some Questions to Ask Yourself, Your Spouse, and Your Children to Determine if a 50/50 Parenting Plan is Right for You
Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself, your spouse, and your children (if they are old enough), to see if a 50/50 parenting plan is right for your family.
- Do we have the communication skills needed to navigate frequent exchanges and schedule adjustments that may need to be made as the children get older? If we don’t have those skills, are we willing to seek counseling or ongoing counseling to work on these skills?
- Why do we want a 50/50 plan? Is it because we truly think it will be better for the children, or because we are stuck on the idea that equal time is the only thing that is right or fair? Do we have other motives for pursuing a 50/50 split (do we think that this will make calculating child support payments easier)?
- Can we write down a feasible 50/50 schedule that makes sense given our current work commitments and children’s school and after-school activity schedules? Visualize what it might feel like to live that schedule. Does it make sense, realistically? If you’re not sure, ask a trusted friend or your divorce attorney to go over it with you. These trusted advisors can help identify any potential issues. Even better, try to live out the schedule for a couple of weeks and see what happens. (Remember in Washington state, there’s a 90-day waiting period before you can finalize your divorce—perfect timing to explore different parenting plan options).
- Are there other schedules that aren’t 50/50 splits that could also work? Sit down and write this one out and go through the thoughtexercise of living this one out imaginatively. Even better, give this one a try.
- Which schedule feels better, in your gut?
- If the 50/50 schedule seems to work, are there any changes you anticipate in the future that might change this plan (children going to high school or middle school, children becoming old enough to attend summer camp, children needing after school tutoring as they get older, work relocations, remarriage)?
- What do the children think about your proposed parenting plan schedule (if they are old and mature enough to comment)?
These are just some of the questions you might want to ask if you are seriously thinking about a 50/50 parenting plan. Trusted advisors like your family lawyer can review your plan and help you address any unanticipated challenges. Your family lawyer will have worked out many of these parenting plans before and can talk to you about some of the issues that he or she knows can arise.
How Collaborative Divorce Can Help You with a Successful 50/50 Parenting Plan
The collaborative divorce process is uniquely suited to helping couples develop a 50/50 parenting plan. With collaborative divorce, couples agree to settle their divorce outside of court. Collaborative divorce lawyers are committed to helping couples resolve their differences without litigation.
Because collaborative divorce emphasizes peaceful communication and negotiation, couples often learn and practice the skills they will need to effectively implement a 50/50 parenting plan.
Because couples work out their divorce and parenting plan agreement outside of court, there’s room for creativity and experimentation. Couples can experiment with different 50/50 schedules in real-time as they work through the divorce settlement, choosing a schedule that’s been “battle tested” rather than one they’ve only considered in theory.
If you and your partner are serious about trying a 50/50 parenting plan, consider reaching out to the Washington state collaborative divorce lawyers at Truce Law today. Book a Case Evaluation with the Truce Law team.
This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every situation is unique. For guidance specific to your circumstances, consult a licensed family law attorney in your area.