It isn’t what you include in your parenting plan that leads to issues, but rather, it is what you exclude that matters most.
Here are some of the most common parenting plan mistakes:
- Choosing an Informal Parenting Plan Schedule
- Failing to Include Drop-offs and Pick-ups in Your Parenting Plan
- Not Being Flexible Enough: Plan for Emergencies
- Ignoring Holidays in Your Parenting Plan
- Failing to Address Childcare in Your Parenting Plan
- Not Having Clear Communication Policies
- Failing to Address Relocation
- Being Vague About Decision-Making Authority in the Parenting Plan
- Not Including a Dispute Resolution Process
- Not Hiring a Lawyer to Help You with Your Parenting Plan
Choosing an Informal Parenting Plan Schedule
We get it, creating a parenting plan schedule can be hard.
For one, there are many options. Do you want a 50-50 parenting plan, where both parents spend equal time with the children? Or do you want an unequal split? Will one parent have custody and the other visitation?
And even if you agree about what kind of split you and your spouse want, deciding on a specific schedule can be hard. For example, if you plan for a 50-50 custody split, will you have the children on alternating weeks? Or will you alternate your exchanges every two or three days? If one parent has the children most of the time, will the other parent have time with the children on weekends, and if so, will they have the children every single weekend?
These are not easy questions to answer. Negotiating solutions that work can lead to short-term conflict during divorce and parenting plan scheduling negotiations.
Yet, it might be a good idea to bear the short-term conflict now, rather than agreeing to play your parenting plan by ear later—even if a more informal agreement works for you and your spouse right now.
Why?
An informal agreement might work today, but what happens if one spouse gets a new job, gets relocated for work, or if your children’s schedules change as they get older. New relationships can also create scheduling conflicts or lead to the desire to change existing plans.
Without a clear parenting time schedule, one parent can unilaterally change a vague schedule without needing to formally request changes or seek input from the other parent. Without a formal parenting time agreement in place, one parent can theoretically make unilateral changes without consulting the other parent.
A clear formalized parenting plan schedule protects both parents from the stress and chaos of one parent making unauthorized or unexpected changes. It also gives the children stability and the certainty of knowing their own schedule.
If you and your co-parent already have an informal parenting plan in place, putting it in writing protects everyone. The good news is that you can also include provisions for flexibility, rescheduling, emergencies, and making changes, if needed.
A good parenting plan is flexible, after all.
Putting a parenting schedule in writing doesn’t have to mean a loss of flexibility.
Failing to Include Drop-off and Pick-ups in Your Parenting Plan
A common parenting plan dispute that can lead to increased co-parenting tension, involves conflict over pick-up and drop-offs, late drop-offs, and missed drop-offs.
Even when parents are clear about drop-off and pick-up times, they might not account for transportation costs, which can also lead to tension and resentment.
Conflict over pick-up and drop-offs can bring both parents back to court and drive one parent to seek a parenting plan modification.
The best way to prevent conflict is to have clarity about pick-ups and drop-offs in your parenting plan. Choose neutral pick-up and drop-off locations, like your child’s school or daycare.
Being flexible, but firm about lateness can go a long way to defusing potentially difficult situations. The parenting plan can include a “grace period” of 15-30 minutes to account for traffic or occasional lateness, but include the firm requirement that lateness beyond the grace period will be counted as a missed pick-up or drop-off.
If one parent will be very late due to an emergency or needs a schedule change, there should be clear guidelines about how this will be communicated to the other parent and how alternative transportation will be arranged. For example, teens might be able to use rideshare services, and the late parent might be responsible for paying transportation costs if they are not available.
For younger children, parents might want to have a list of on-call babysitters or caretakers who can drive and who have permission to pick up the children from school or from after-school activities.
A good divorce lawyer familiar with common parenting plan issues, can help you address areas where greater clarity can prevent disputes in the future.
Not Being Flexible Enough: Plan for Emergencies
A good parenting plan is written with the understanding that life is complicated. Emergencies happen. Kids get sick. Parents get sick. Traffic happens. Schedules can change unexpectedly with doctor’s appointments or new work responsibilities.
A common parenting plan mistake is when parents fail to include guidance for emergencies in their parenting plan, or when they fail to build in grace periods that allow for occasional lateness.
Each family will likely offer their own solutions depending on their resources. The solutions might differ, but they should include instructions about how schedule changes and emergencies should be communicated, along with solutions to anticipated issues: like the parent or child taking a sick day, overtime at work, or snow days.
Ignoring Holidays in Your Parenting Plan
It can be difficult enough to work out a parenting schedule that makes sense, but it’s important to take time to consider how holidays, or important days, like birthdays, will impact the schedule. Without a clear, written holiday schedule, holidays can quickly become points of dispute and conflict.
A strong parenting plan should include details about how holidays will be divided. Will you spend alternate years with the children, or will one parent have the children for Christmas Eve and the other for Christmas Day? Different families might present different solutions, but the key is to include solutions in your parenting plan.
Failing to Address Childcare in the Parenting Plan
From time to time, both parents might have the need for childcare during their parenting time. A parent who typically cares for the children for the weekend might occasionally have dates or nights out with friends planned during this time and might need childcare. A parent who typically cares for the children during the week might need to work overtime or have an emergency schedule change that requires them to seek childcare for an evening.
Many parenting plans fail to include “right of first refusal” provisions. With these provisions, a parent seeking childcare is required to check with the other parent first to see if they are available to provide childcare.
This provision can save both parents on childcare costs if the other parent happens to be available and can also give both parents the sense that they aren’t missing out on opportunities to be there for their children when needed.
Of course, these provisions should also be carefully considered in the context of 50-50 parenting plans and in parenting plans where child support is based on time spent with each parent. The right of first refusal provision shouldn’t be used to increase the other parent’s parenting time or responsibilities, or be used to avoid formal changes to parenting time or child support if the other parent is called upon too frequently for childcare duties.
Not Having Clear Communication Policies
Many co-parents choose to informally communicate about schedules, plans, and other co-parenting issues. Informal communication can work well when you and your co-parent are getting along, but if communication breaks down or if things change, without a clear communication policy in place, conflicts can arise.
You might be thinking, “I have no problem giving my partner a call or sending him a text when I need to reschedule a pick-up or drop-off or discuss an important parenting issue.” This is wonderful when things are going well, but what happens if your partner gets together with someone new and becomes hard to reach?
What happens if their work schedule changes, or if their responsibilities increase, and your calls start getting sent to voicemail? What happens if, as your children get older, and become teenagers, you and your partner have disagreements about curfews, dating, studying, and more. So many things can change in the years your parenting plan will be in effect.
To be safe, it’s always a good idea to include specific policies regarding communication.
What does an effective parenting plan communication policy look like? Here are some key qualities you might want to consider:
- Require that all important communication be in writing or text, so that it can be properly documented.
- Choose a dedicated co-parenting application to exchange written communications. These tools can also keep a written record of your co-parenting schedule, requests for schedule changes, and detail which parent is responsible for pick-ups and drop-offs.
- Set reasonable guidelines for response times (for example 24 – 48 hours), and set guidelines for how emergencies outside the communication window will be handled.
- Set a policy that communication must be respectful and focused on the children, finances, or logistics. Use the BIFF method, developed by Bill Eddy. Communications should be brief, informative, friendly, and firm. Some tools, like OurFamilyWizard include tone-checkers to help you edit text messages in a way that reduces conflict and hostility.
Having a formal communication policy in place can help reduce conflict, and if you and your partner already have a low-conflict co-parenting relationship, a formal communication policy can help keep it that way.
Some low-conflict co-parents might say, “but we’re already friends; we don’t need this.” You can always maintain regular phone calls and communications, but agree that formal, logistical, financial questions, and major changes to the parenting plan will be put in writing.
Failing to Address Relocation
Under Washington state law, if there is a parenting plan in place, any parent who wants to relocate with the child outside of the school district, must serve a formal Notice of Intent to Move with Children to the other parent. Moving outside the child’s school district triggers a request to the court to change the current parenting plan. This means that any major move outside the school district could trigger a new court case, and potentially lead to the need for mediation, and new litigation.
If one parent disagrees about the move, the court will determine whether the move is possible or permitted based on the best needs of the child. Judges will consider the parent’s reasons for the move (is the relocation due to work or for another reason?)
The judge will also consider the opportunities and resources available to the child at each location, the child’s relationships, age, and needs, and the feasibility of maintaining the current schedule or visitation with such a move.
Issues can arise when a parent needs to move out of the school district for work or for another reason. Yet relocation requests can be handled privately and outside of court if both parties agree to the move.
One way to prevent issues is to include a relocation policy in your parenting plan. Parents who live on the edge of school districts might want to include provisions outlining what would happen if one parent needed to move to an adjacent school district. The parenting plan could offer clear guidance on which school the children will attend in this situation.
Parents can also agree to use alternative dispute resolution methods if one parent needs to move for legitimate reasons, or for any reason. At the end of the day, both parents should be realistic about their jobs, their careers, and their goals, and consider whether a relocation might be in the future and what that might mean for the family and for custody.
Military families, individuals who work in careers where relocation is often required or expected, and others in similar situations might want to carefully consider including a relocation policy or agreement in their parenting plan.
Being Vague About Decision-Making Authority in the Parenting Plan
Parents often think carefully about their children’s schedules but may not consider decision-making authority. Decision-making authority refers to which parent has the right to make decisions about the child’s education and schooling, religion, medical care, and extracurricular activities. You might agree that both parents should have this right, but what happens when disagreements arise?
Some high-conflict co-parents might split decision-making authority. One parent gets to make decisions about medical care and the other on schooling, or one parent is granted sole decision-making authority to reduce conflict. The key is this: if both parents have decision making authority, parents need to outline how they will resolve disagreements.
Not Including a Dispute Resolution Process
Life changes, and when it does, even if you and your partner get along with one another, you could still find yourself encountering disagreements about co-parenting from time to time. People get into new relationships, their needs and goals change, and children’s needs can also change over time.
The best thing you can do is to plan for the worst-case scenario while expecting the best. Include an alternate dispute resolution process that outlines how disagreements will be resolved in your parenting plan.
This can prevent you and your co-parent from escalating small disputes to court. A dispute resolution clause can also motivate and incentivize both parties to work together to find resolutions before the argument ends up in mediation, in therapy, before your rabbi or priest, or in court.
Not Hiring a Lawyer to Help You with Your Parenting Plan
By far, the biggest mistake couples make when crafting a parenting plan is trying to do it themselves without the help of a lawyer or other child specialists. Even a tiny mistake on court forms can result in costly and devastating consequences.
A parenting plan lawyer can review the language of your parenting plan to confirm that it is specific and enforceable. For example, the Washington state child custody attorneys at Truce Law are familiar with common custody disputes and can help you craft a parenting plan that is specific, but flexible, while making room for contingency plans, and your child’s changing needs.
The child custody lawyers at Truce Law can help you craft a parenting plan, collaboratively. When parents work on their parenting plans together, they are more likely to follow the plan and less likely to end up in court later.
If you have questions about how we can help, reach out to the Washington parenting plan lawyers at Truce Law today.
This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every situation is unique. For guidance specific to your circumstances, consult a licensed family law attorney in your area.