The process of divorce mediation, especially when done online, can seem daunting to clients expecting a more traditional process involving opposing counsel and a day in court. Knowing what to expect and having a more in-depth understanding of the online mediation process can help to create a sense of comfort around the process. This guide will answer some of the more common questions we get about the process of online divorce mediation.
What Divorce Mediation Is and Is Not
We have a much longer explainer on the ins and outs of divorce mediation, but the short version is that divorce mediation is a separation process that tries to avoid the courtroom through the use of a third-party mediator. This mediator is responsible for helping the divorcing couple negotiate a satisfactory and collaborative resolution. In mediation, everyone has the opportunity to discuss issues, address disagreements, and come to a compromise both parties feel is fair.
Misconceptions About Divorce Mediation
There are a few common misconceptions about divorce mediation. One major misconception is that the mediator’s role is to force the couple into an agreement. This is absolutely not true. The mediator’s job is to act as an intermediary to aid in conflict resolution, especially in situations where there may be a power imbalance. They may offer opinions or suggestions, but it is ultimately up to the couple and their lawyers to settle any disagreements that arise during mediation.
Another misconception is that divorce mediation is the same as a collaborative divorce. While both aim to avoid a court battle, they are different processes. In a collaborative divorce, you do not have a mediator. Instead, each spouse hires their own collaborative attorney, and together, you work through issues as a group. Additionally, with the rise of virtual divorce mediation, couples can now resolve their conflicts remotely, making the process more accessible and convenient.
If you have more questions about collaborative divorce, here is an in-depth explainer.
What to Expect During an Online Divorce Mediation
The mediation process is different for each mediator, but at Truce Law our online mediation process takes place in six steps.
Keep in mind this style of mediation is best for just spouses. If the case has been in litigation for some time and attorneys are involved we’ll generally switch to shuttle mediation, meaning both parties are in separate rooms and don’t communicate directly, but through the mediator.
Intake
Prior to any mediations, including with Truce Law, you’ll complete a short questionnaire. Your answers will give your mediators a sense of the issues and what to expect during the session.
Try to be honest about not only the issues holding you back from reaching an agreement but also what you think is difficult for the other participant. Filling out these initial forms often helps people identify the other party’s position, which is the first step to reaching a settlement.
Online Divorce Mediation Steps
Step1 : Logging In and Introductions
Log in through the link provided by your mediator and wait to be admitted to the meeting. Once everyone arrives the online mediation will begin with a short speech from the mediator outlining the process. This opening statement will give you a chance to meet your mediator and hopefully get comfortable with the process. You’ll have a chance to ask questions and your mediator will set expectations.
Step 2: Participant Initial Statements
After your mediator has explained the process, you and your spouse will have a chance to make initial statements. This uninterrupted time allows each person to communicate issues from their point of view. It’s very valuable for your mediator to get to understand you better. It also gives the other participant a chance to hear you. It’s important for each party to try and not interrupt during these statements as they help the mediators see the issues from both sides. Remember, both parties will have an equal opportunity to share their perspective.
Step 3: Agenda Building
After each person has shared, it is time to build an agenda. The agenda is made up of specific items proposed by the parties that will be discussed. For example, one person may ask to discuss the family home and the other may suggest a parenting plan. We’ll write down this agenda on a shared document and refer back to it throughout the process. Ideally, we’ll focus on one agenda item at a time, moving to the next once we’ve resolved the first.
Step 4: Negotiations
Once the agenda is created, the participants choose an item and begin negotiations. Often the topic is the first agreement of the day. The mediator will be there to encourage communication and ensure everyone is treated with respect, but the bulk of the negotiation is carried by the participants.
Step 5: Caucu
If at any time the mediator feels a break is necessary, they may call a caucus. During a caucus, one person will be put into a breakout room, while the other stays and speaks with the mediators one on one.
A caucus is a chance for the mediator to meet with each person individually and discuss how things are going and what could go better. Any items discussed during the caucus will be kept confidential by the mediator. However, you’re welcome to bring up what was discussed once the full group is rejoined.
Step 6: Settlement
Lastly, once mediation is completed, we’ll put together a settlement agreement. This document outlines any agreement made and the participants have the option to submit it in court if they both agree. The documents prepared at the conclusion of a mediation session will be rather informal, but cover all agreements reached by the parties.
In many cases, the mediator is also hired to draft the court forms necessary to carry out the agreement. If you choose, you can then take those to your attorney for review before filing.
How to Prepare for Online Mediation
In order to have a successful online divorce mediation process, it’s important that each party does a little homework before they even sit down with your divorce mediators.
Prepare for Online Requirements
Online mediation is convenient, but you need to take steps to ensure it can work for you. Prior to the mediation try to remove any distractions:
- Remove distractions by asking a friend to watch the dog or finding a quiet area.
- Familiarize yourself with the mediation software.
- Be ready to log in when the mediation is set to begin.
- Test your microphone and computer in advance to avoid issues.
Come to Agreement
You and your spouse don’t need to be friends for the divorce mediation process to succeed. However, it’s important to discuss mediation and whether it suits your situation. Review the pros and cons of mediation versus other divorce methods, including potential cost savings, and agree on the best process for you.
It’s important to avoid forcing your spouse into agreeing to try mediation. Mediation will not be successful unless both parties want to be there (if you are a high conflict couple then mediation might not be a good fit). However, if both parties are fully committed, you can both save time and money.
Do Your Homework
Now, it’s time to get organized. If your mediator doesn’t know what you have, they will not be able to help you figure out what to do with it.
Start by creating a master list of everything you and your spouse own, as well as all of your assets. Now is not the time to lay claim to anything. You just need to make a master list. This list should include all real estate, personal property, vehicles, all bank accounts, credit cards, retirement accounts, investment accounts, and insurance properties.
Next, it’s time to take a look at your finances. Gather records that account for all of your income sources including paystubs, any self-employment financial statements, pension disbursements, and any other regular sources of income. You also need to account for your recurring expenses and ongoing liabilities. This could include mortgage payments, car payments, health insurance costs, credit card payments, student loan payments, and any other regular expenses.
Don’t Forget About Children and Pets
Negotiations during mediation sessions often become most tense when discussing children and pets. By preparing for these discussions beforehand, both parties can come ready to tackle these tough topics.
For busy parents, it’s crucial to consider where your children currently spend most of their time: their school, extra-curricular activities, and the frequency of visits with extended family. Think ahead about how you will handle birthdays, holidays, and school vacations. Additionally, consider how educational costs will be divided, whether for private school, summer camps, or college tuition. These mediation discussions can significantly impact how you and your spouse co-parent in the coming years. Use this opportunity to learn how to work together effectively, always keeping in mind that both of you deeply care for your children’s well-being.
Pet Custody
Pets can be trickier to negotiate around than children. Up until very recently, in a traditional divorce scenario that involves a judge, pets were considered property and would end up full-time with one party.
Now, judges are more likely to consider what’s best for the pet itself. Just like a custody arrangement with children, start to imagine what a custody arrangement may look like for your pets.
Is Divorce Mediation Right For You?
Hopefully, you now have a deeper understanding of what online divorce mediation is and isn’t and how you can best be prepared. In divorce cases, understanding the nuances of the divorce process is crucial. Online divorce mediation services offer a flexible and convenient alternative to traditional face-to-face sessions, particularly for busy parents or those with challenging schedules.
When dealing with divorce and family matters, it’s important to consider how online mediation can fit into your specific situation. A skilled mediator can help facilitate discussions and negotiations, ensuring that both parties reach a satisfactory divorce settlement. By opting for online divorce mediation, you can navigate the divorce process more smoothly, making it less stressful for everyone involved.
Finding a Fair Solution
Remember, the goal of any mediation is to find a fair resolution that respects the needs and interests of all parties. Whether you choose online or traditional face-to-face mediation, being well-prepared and understanding the dynamics of your divorce case will help you achieve the best possible outcome.
If you have any questions, or want to discuss whether divorce mediation is the best process for you, please give us a call or send us an email.
This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every situation is unique. For guidance specific to your circumstances, consult a licensed family law attorney in your area.