One of the major decisions you’ll need to make in your parenting plan if you’re getting divorced or separated involves decision-making itself. While most day-to-day decisions won’t be specifically outlined in your parenting plan, some co-parents choose to specify how major decisions will be made. Non-emergent healthcare decisions, educational decisions, and other decisions including religious decision-making, extracurricular activities, and more can be outlined in your Washington parenting plan.
According to Washington state’s Parenting Plan form, major decision-making outlined in your parenting plan won’t include the day-to-day decisions you make for your children. Parents make decisions for their children during shared parenting time. According to Washington state’s Parenting Plan form, “When the children are with you, you are responsible for them. You can make day-to-day decisions for the children when they are with you, including decisions about safety and emergency health care.” But when it comes to major decision-making, Washington’s parenting plan form allows parents to specify whether one parent will make major decisions, or whether decision-making will be shared.
Co-parents will need to specify whether school or educational decisions will be made jointly, or whether one parent will have the authority to make these decisions. Additionally, co-parents will need to specify whether non-emergency healthcare decisions will be made jointly, or whether one parent will have the sole authority to make these decisions. The Washington parenting plan form also leaves room for parents to include other types of decisions as “major decisions” and therefore include them in the parenting plan. Co-parents may choose to include extracurricular activities or religious decisions in this section, especially if they anticipate that these kinds of decisions could lead to high conflict co-parenting.
Because decision-making represents an area of your parenting plan where you could potentially experience ongoing conflict, Washington’s parenting plan form requires co-parents to specify the dispute resolution method they’ll use should a conflict arise. Options include mediation, arbitration, counseling, or court.
In this article, we’ll explore issues that can arise with joint and limited decision-making and briefly explore the dispute resolution methods available to you.
- Joint or Limited Decision-Making?
- Limited Decision-Making
- Making Educational Decisions
- Making Healthcare Decisions
- Other Major Decisions
- Dispute Resolution
Joint or Limited Decision-Making?
When writing your parenting plan you’ll need to decide whether you and your former partner will either share decision-making responsibilities or give only one parent the sole authority to make certain major decisions. With joint decision-making, both parents are required to negotiate and agree before non-emergency health care decisions are made, and before educational decisions are made. If the parenting plan doesn’t specify joint decision-making for religious choices or extracurricular activities, then parents are free to make choices during their parenting time, unless co-parents choose to include extracurricular activities and religious decision-making in their parenting plan.
Many parents choose to include religious decisions and extracurricular decisions in the parenting plan because these activities can sometimes bleed into shared parenting time. If you want your child to attend Sunday school, for example, but spend alternate weekends with the children, if religious decision-making isn’t included in your parenting plan, conflict could arise if a non-religious parent lets your child skip Sunday school on his or her parenting time weekends. Similarly, if you want to sign your child up for football, gymnastics, or another weekend extracurricular activity, but spend alternate weekends with the children, there’s nothing stopping the other parent from refusing to take the child to these activities during his or her parenting time, if you didn’t agree to shared decision-making regarding extracurricular activities in your parenting plan.
Sometimes one parent agrees to give the other parent sole decision-making rights. This arrangement can reduce the risk for conflict in the future, if one parent is truly willing to take a hands-off approach to major issues, but the parent giving up his or her right to make major decisions should carefully consider this approach. While you might be comfortable with your former spouse making decisions about braces, for example, it is important to also consider whether you’d be comfortable with your former spouse making major healthcare decisions should you child suffer an unexpected health crisis or unexpected diagnosis. And while you might be comfortable with your former spouse attending parent-teacher meetings and making educational decisions right now, what happens if your child is recommended for special education services, or needs additional unforeseen educational support? The shared decision-making element in the parenting plan leaves room for negotiation when it comes to areas of life where unexpected circumstances can lead to difficult ethical dilemmas and questions.
Unless both parents agree that only one parent should have sole decision-making authority, both parents usually share major decision-making. Yet, there are circumstances where one parent can argue that the other parent shouldn’t have decision-making authority. We’ll explore those circumstances next.
Limited Decision-Making
There are only a few situations where the court will approve giving one parent sole decision-making authority for major decisions. These are:
- A case where both parents agree that only one parent should have decision-making authority or where both parents agree that joint decision-making is a bad idea.
- One parent has a problem that could conflict with the child’s best interests. Problems that could lead to limited decision-making include abandonment, child abuse, neglect, an emotional or physical issue, substance abuse, lack of emotional ties with the child, abusive use of conflict, domestic violence, assault, a sex offense, a history of withholding the child from the other parent, or another major issue that could interfere with the parents’ ability to make joint decision-making.
- A high conflict divorce. Parents who take a custody case to court or who have a track record of being unable to negotiate or cooperate with one another (for example, failed mediation) may find themselves in a situation where a judge might limit decision-making in the parenting plan to prevent further court battles in the future.
- If parents will live so far apart that joint decision-making isn’t reasonable or feasible, the court may give limited decision-making authority to the custodial parent.
In general, the courts favor situations where both parents have a say in their children’s upbringing and will avoid limited decision-making unless special circumstances indicate. When writing a parenting plan with your partner, it is often best to prepare yourself for joint decision-making.
The issue with joint decision-making is that it opens you and your former spouse to the potential for future conflict. In your parenting plan, two types of major decisions are specifically listed: educational decisions and non-emergency health care decisions. We’ll explore these next.
Making Educational Decisions
Educational decision-making can involve so much more than deciding whether to send your child to public or private school or deciding to homeschool. The type of decision-making arrangement you make in your parenting plan will govern how your child’s school will communicate with you. If joint decision-making is chosen, you’ll need to let your child’s school know that both parents will attend parent-teacher conferences or administrative conferences, and let the school know that communications should be sent to both parents. Other questions you might want to address is whether you want to attend the parent-teacher conferences with your former spouse or want the school to arrange for separate meetings.
Other issues can also arise regarding educational decision-making after you finalize your divorce and parenting plan. Sometimes children are recommended to special programs, like gifted and talented programs, magnet school programs, or teachers recommend that a child receive special education services. If a child is eligible for special education services, parents have the right to make decisions for their children under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). According to Disability Rights, parents of children with disabilities have the right to (1) determine whether they want their child evaluated for special education services, (2) make decisions about supports and services provided to the child in the child’s individualized educational plan (IEP), (3) approve and challenging their child’s IEP, (4) challenge the IEP or services through mediation or hearings, and (5) review their child’s educational records.
Parents have a say in whether their child is placed in special programs, and whether they will bus their child to a magnet school to access certain special programs. If the child is to receive special education services, parents may have to choose between the inclusive classroom, self-contained special education classroom, and the kind of special supports and services their child will receive. Parents can also guide their children’s course of study toward AP classes, advanced placement courses, IB programs, and other specialized courses of study.
When it comes to educational decisions, parents may also need to navigate cultural decisions with regards to education and school. For example, will your child participate in contact sports like football where there is a risk of injury? Will your child be permitted to attend out of state or out of city field trips? Will your child be provided with additional tutoring services, and will both parents arrange these services together? If your child will be a minor when he or she applies to college, how will you, as parents, guide your child’s college decision together?
When these conflicts arise, parents may have difficulty making joint educational decisions. This is where dispute resolution comes into play. Few people want to take matters directly back to court, though this is always an option. Parents can choose arbitration, mediation, or counseling if they find themselves in a situation where they are unable to reach a joint decision in the future. Mediation has the benefit of keeping sensitive discussions about a child’s disability or educational plans private.
Making Healthcare Decisions
Healthcare decisions can involve so much more than just choosing your child’s doctor and insurance provider, though they can include these decisions. Other decisions can arise after you finalize your parenting plan that can lead to conflict. For example, if your child needs mental health treatment, treatment for substance abuse addiction, ADHD, or elective dental treatment, how will you go about negotiating these decisions? Do you and your former spouse agree about preventative care? For example, are you on the same page about vaccines? Parents may have to make decisions about choosing treatments with potentially serious side-effects, make choices about surgery, and, though parents don’t want to think about the unthinkable, some parents find themselves having to make end-of-life care decisions and decisions about organ donation.
The decisions you make about joint or limited decision-making in your parenting plan will determine which parent has medical power of attorney. If you choose joint decision-making, both parents will have medical power of attorney. If you choose limited decision-making, only one parent may be granted medical power of attorney. Having a lawyer to assist you with your parenting plan is important because it can impact your family for years to come.
In emergency medical situations, the parent who is with the child when the situation arises will make medical decisions, but in non-emergent situations, or in situations where parents need to plan for ongoing or chronic care, parents will need to choose whether they both want to play a role or whether one parent will have medical power of attorney.
Parents can stipulate in their parenting plan whether they want to resolve disagreements through mediation, counseling, arbitration, or through the courts. While parents can take their disagreements to court, mediation has the added benefit of keeping a child’s sensitive medical information private. Anything brought before a judge will end up on the public record. When parents choose arbitration, they put the final say in the hands of the person they select to arbitrate. Mediation allows both parents to negotiate a decision that’s right for their child and their family in private and allows parents to bring in counselors and other professionals if needed.
Other Major Decisions
Washington’s parenting plan leaves room for parents to specify whether they want joint decision-making authority for other major decisions. Parents may choose to include religious instruction and extracurricular activities in the plan. While judges can’t make decisions about religion due to First Amendment considerations, judges can rule in favor of a religious parent retaining custody to protect a child’s religious and community ties. Issues can arise when one parent leaves a religion or when parents’ religious beliefs are in conflict.
Generally, the custodial parent has the right to guide religious decisions for the child, including making decisions about attending religious services and protecting the child’s religious beliefs during shared parenting time. This means that unless the parenting plan provides clear guidelines otherwise, the parent who is designated the custodial parent will have religious decision-making authority. Yet, First Amendment considerations can’t interfere with a parent’s right to practice his or her faith, which can include providing child access to the other parent’s beliefs if these beliefs don’t undermine the custodial parents’ religious beliefs.
If you anticipate that religion will be a point of co-parenting conflict, it is probably best to address it in your parenting plan with joint decision-making provisions. By doing this, you and your spouse can gain clarity about how decisions about religious observances, church attendance, Sunday school, and other matters will be handled.
Other parents also include extracurricular activities under joint-decision making, if they anticipate this being an area of high-conflict.
Dispute Resolution
When parents choose joint decision-making, it is important that they also plan for how they will resolve disagreements when they arise. While many co-parents can resolve disagreements on their own or in private, sometimes major disagreements arise and they may need additional support. Co-parents can specify what dispute resolution method they’ll use in these situations. They can choose to go straight to court or arbitration, but many parents choose either mediation or counseling.
Mediation, counseling, or the collaborative process may be a good choice, especially if you and your former spouse want to avoid having to go back to court because of a disagreement. With mediation, you and your former partner hire a mediator to help you communicate and negotiate a solution. With the collaborative process, both you and your spouse each bring your own attorneys to the negotiating table. You agree to keep your dispute out of court but have the benefit of being protected by your own legal representative who can offer legal advice throughout the process.
Many couples choose mediation, counseling, or the collaborative process because it allows them to keep their dispute out of court, allows them to keep their dispute private, and allows them to work through their disagreement without a costly court case. When parents choose mediation, they can also bring in counselors, therapists, and other professionals to help them resolve their conflict.
Truce Law is a collaborative law firm in Seattle, Washington that helps couples create parenting plans that work for their families and helps couples negotiate some of the most difficult situations that can arise in co-parenting. Whether you are trying to work through joint decision-making while writing your parenting plan, or find yourself facing a tough medical or educational decision, the collaborative lawyers and mediators at Truce Law in Seattle, Washington may be able to help you.
This article is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every situation is unique. For guidance specific to your circumstances, consult a licensed family law attorney in your area.